Meeningfully

If I had to rate how 2016 was from a scale of 1 to 5 where 1 is absolutely horrible, and 5 is perfect, I think I will barely make it to 1. No sugar coating at all, it was a biatch (if you all will just indulge my language on my family kinda blog).

Birthday parties for the past 3 years have always been quite a taboo in our little family. Other than J's full month party which he probably remembered nothing about, every other party we tried to organise never quite materialized. We finally managed to pull off a party this year! I hope he does not ask for one every year though .  His first birthday was cancelled 2 days before the party day because he got his first HFMD. For his second birthday, we wanted a small do with some friends. That got cancelled too because he had a drippy nose. So for his third, we decided to do without a party.

The year is coming to an end, and in my usual fashion, this is when we stop in our tracks, look back and decide if we had a fantastic year or totally hate it. When 2014 closed, I was looking forward to 2015 and welcoming it with open arms as I thought things at work were starting to become stable, and I can spend some time on J and of course our IVF journey. There were unexpected changes in the start of the year, and then it became a period of understanding, adapting, learning and lots of stress.

Today, as I write this in the still of the night, my tears are flowing. I am a crybaby alright! I always see my tears as a weakness, so I always try to hide them behind a smile. However, like the clouds,there are days when the tears just cannot be held back any longer and they flow like the rain. Earlier this year, I was promoted. It was, to me, a recognition of the sacrifices I have made and the decision I took to continue working even with a child. More so for leaving a job I so loved, to an industry I had at that time, no idea of what it stands for.

Dear Jonas Bee, These days, one of mummy's favourite past time is to scroll through photos we took over your 3 years. I miss the times when you were super chubs, the times when I can cradle you in just one arm, and the times I can baby-wear you everywhere.

I have written a great deal about not being able to conceive, and what we have been doing to bring us closer to our dream of having another child. What we haven't quite talked about is the why. 

Taiwan is one of the countries I cannot get enough of. Such a large place, so much to explore, lots of lush greenery and plenty of little surprises that never fails to put me in a happy mood. Not forgetting how there's so much nice food to savour and now that I am a mother, Taiwan is so very family friendly, making it an ideal destination for our family getaways. This was in fact, the man and my fifth time to Taiwan.

Many of you probably know that we did not have an easy time  trying to conceive our first child. J came to us via our first cycle of stimulated intrauterine insemination or SO-IUI as some people know it. This happened after we have tried a couple of ways to get pregnant to no avail, and we embarked on SO-IUI, We had very little expectations as we have heard of low success rates doing so. We were probably much better off doing IVF.

The blog hasn't received any love recently, and some of you might know why. The past 3 weeks have been one of the toughest periods I have encountered on all fronts, especially at work. As with all jobs, comes varying levels of stress at different periods of time. However, when the job has to be managed with mummy responsibilities, endless chores plus other health matters, the weight of the world seemed to have just landed on my shoulders.

Warning: This is yet another of my emo(tional) post. And, yes. It has something to do with "number 2" . No. I have not quite forgotten the ectopic pregnancy episode that happened exactly a year ago. If you are about to tell me, please move on, then maybe you have not come close to having any fertility issues. Much less lost a child to miscarriage or other any other situations. Of course it is no fault of anyone's, so bear with me while I remember the one we lost.

The boy is growing up really really quickly, and I sometimes lament at how I miss my cute little one. J has started to learn to pose for the camera, and flashes his megawatt smile every single time I ask him to "say cheese" !

Today, as I reflect upon the time I knew I was pregnant with J, through the period I have been a mother, there's one thing I am truly thankful for. The presence of a special group of friends who made the journey so much easier just by being present, be it physically or virtually.  I appreciate that I can always just pop into our chat room on whatsapp to rant, to share, to complain or simply just to chat. We were housemates and friends back in our uni days. We probably shared some really deep dark secrets, countless good times and many waking hours together. After 3 years of living together, I drifted from the group while the other 2 ladies remained close friends. And when I thought the closeness we shared is probably going to be just a memory for me, God brought us back together with us having our kids all in the same year.  Now, I will feel weird if I don't check in on them or don't hear that familar beep on my handphone for more than 3 days. They were the first

What started out as a bright cheery Sunday, with plans to bring the tot out for a swim turned out to be the longest day of my life, one which I nearly lost. I started having sharp abdominal pains at 12pm, which I thought was just severe gastric. So I popped in 2 panadols, and took a short nap with J. I got up before J did, felt better, and tried to take some food, which I later regretted because it all got regurgitated. J got up, wanted a cuddle which I obliged... causing the acute pain to come back. Not sure what was going on, I made Hwa send J to my mum's so he can take me to the doctors later. He returned to find me pale and unconscious on the toilet bowl. He dragged me out, and wanted me to get changed to visit the doctors. I couldn't, and requested to nap again, which he left me to it. After about 30 min, I tried to stand, only to find myself losing consciousness again. That was when Hwa called the ambulance for help. The paramedics told me I was extremely pale,

Took a day off the public holiday (which also happened to be my 33rd Birthday) to make the weekend an extra long one. Started the long weekend spending time with Hwa. We lounged by the pool and went for a good dim sum... simply just spending quality time together. Something we have not done for a long time. We had a blast with the kiddo at the zoo and the mini celebration at home, although I have to admit I was disappointed that many peops dropped out of the party. Felt left out of sorts... but as I spent time in the company of my family and bestie, I could not be more thankful for the precious folks in my life. On 24 May...we decided to be spontaneous and take a trip down to the Zoo! J's first time. :) I was excited to engage him with the sights and sounds of the Zoo.  Sussing out his surroundings ...and he gets off the stroller ...deciding what he should do next ...pulling me along while he shops Sharing a moment with Papa while taking shelte

Dear Jonas, 12 months ago, you popped into my life and turned it pretty much upside down. I never knew that I was able to make it through each day on only about 3 to 4 hours sleep. I also did not know that I could go through extreme emotions, from happy, to angry, to sad and back to happy again in a matter of minutes. I miss the times where I was able to have lunch at a leisurely pace... spend hours in a spa...sit in a cafe just watching the day go by. I get envious when I see friends who are single or sans kids be able to care freely travel to interesting destinations over an extended period. Coming to terms with all the changes and at the same time adapting to them was perhaps the biggest challenges thrown at me thus far. Despite all these, you have taught me patience. Patience that I forgot I had when life and work got the better of me. You taught me the true meaning of unconditional love where reprimands are always met with smelly hugs, silly grins and wet kisses. You t

Next week this time, we would have moved to our new nest. The decision to move was a strategic one, and for the long term good of the family. However, as I pack our belongings into boxes, seeing how we are slowly emptying the house, I cannot help but feel a wee bit sad. Whatever it is, this is where we had our many firsts. Thank you for what you have provided us in the past 7 years. You will be remembered and missed. Our messy, yet cozy first home. 

Yes! We are back from our first family holiday unscathed, bade 2012 farewell... and are raring to go for a hopefully fantastic 2013! More on our holiday in another post. For now, I just want to reflect on some of the joys that 2012 has brought me.  1. We welcomed our first born. We waited a long time for him, and he was more than we can ask for. 2. Our families were not only blessed with the arrival of Jonas. But Jonas' paternal and maternal cousins both followed shortly after. :) 3. I have been able to revive UrbanNook again! I have been making jewellery for UrbanNook on and off, and of course being a FTWM now makes it more difficult to find time for this interest. Hence, to be able to complete all orders for Christmas, on top of my day job and as a mother 24/7... I am certainly quite pleased with myself. More jobs for UrbanNook in the new year, and I can't wait!  4. I am thankful to have found a group of Mummies, the SMB . While, admittedly, I have n

The past two weeks was hectic. We welcomed Burger Boy's paternal AND maternal cousins with lots of helping out both sides. Work seems to be picking up instead of tapering off. Who says year end is a lull period!  And, i was rushing out Christmas orders for UrbanNook. Lots to do, but I would say extremely fulfilling. On that note, I am  joining Mummy J on her "Thankful Today" photo linky, albeit a little late. Better than never I guess. While we countdown to Christmas, it is always nice to count the little blessings in our lives...and I know I have many to be thankful for. So here's (some of) the pics: 1Dec - Beginning Today, my niece Baby I is born,  about a month early. So on this day, I am grateful that Baby I is healthy and well, and am looking forward to the endless playtime Burger boy will have with her. 2 Dec - Clean   My favourite sanitizer.... lavender smelling. Helps keeps the germs at bay! 3 Dec -Read My early attempts at i