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Showing posts with the label frustrations

[FTWM Truths] Why I don't lunch out

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This post is dedicated to my colleagues. Many know I don't usually dine out during lunch while at work. When I do, it is usually for official work reasons (must be really good reasons like celebrating a birthday etc) or to meet up with friends I have not caught up for ages or when I am super stressed and need a breather.

Mindfulness at the workplace

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The weeks back at the office after CNY was nothing but stressful. Hands up those who feel the way I do right now!  I could really use some relaxing yoga session or the likes.  Of course, stress is all part and parcel of work isn't it? However, have you ever sometimes reflected on your day and realised how you handled a particular situation could be the cause of your stress? Maybe it's a case of speaking too much too soon? Maybe it is all relative to other events in happening in your life.

Challenges of working in marketing

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This post is out of the norm for the blog as I always try to steer clear of work related rants. But I guess this falls into the mumbling segment on my blog and with a series of issues faced at work recently, I feel compelled to write this.

Round up of February and March 2015

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#monthlyreflections #ivf #growingup #5lovelangauges I said I wanted to do a monthly round-up starting this year. Then I forgot. Now that I remembered, I am thinking what I should start with. With a quarter of the year gone, 2015 has proved to be a year of reflections and adjustments for the whole family due to certain decisions we made. With that, I am certain it is going to get tougher throughout the year. But we will pull through!

15 ways on how I embraced motherhood

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#motherhood #growingup #parenting #funnyfacts When I was much younger, I knew that even if I did not know where my career leads me to, I want to be a mother.

A minimalist 2015

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When we made the decision to embark on the inevitable IVF journey in 2015 , we knew at the back of our minds that we needed to make some changes to how we lived our lives. Honestly, I don't know if I am physically prepared for the journey.  Always stressing over work, and harbouring the mummy's guilt , plus the many other things on my to do list, it does seem l impossible for my already weak physique to go through the quest. Something needs to give so that stress of any form does not consume us. 

Turning to the one we love

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The blog hasn't received any love recently, and some of you might know why. The past 3 weeks have been one of the toughest periods I have encountered on all fronts, especially at work. As with all jobs, comes varying levels of stress at different periods of time. However, when the job has to be managed with mummy responsibilities, endless chores plus other health matters, the weight of the world seemed to have just landed on my shoulders.

Living up to expectations

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How many of us have gotten upset or angry when people critisise or question the things we do, the way we lead our lives and as a mother, the way we bring up our kids. People will bound to have their own opinion of things, and that's perhaps their right. How we react to it is maybe a reflection of how we think we have "performed" in their opinion. But does it really matter?  Subconciously, we get upset because we don't live up to their expectations. At least that's what I realise when I reflect upon some of the things that affect me. As a child, I was very afraid of not doing well in school as I know my mum will be disappointed. We were often compared to our overachieving cousins who all made it to the top schools in singapore (of the R family) plus prestigious universities in the UK and US. I made it to Australia only because I failed my A Levels. As I started dating, I cried myself silly when my then boyfriend decided to leave me. I thought I

J's first mall event - Liang Court's Faboolous Halloween

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Pre-kids, I often wondered why would parents bring their children, squeeze with the crowd to visit a mall event. Well... I obviously did not know better . With an energizer bunny as a son, there is a constant need to look for activities to keep J occupied. When we were invited by Liang Court to take part in their Faboolous Halloween costume making workshop, I thought why not?! While J may be a little young to work on any complicated handicraft, i figured he would be thrilled to be dressed up as a vampire or the likes. I was oh-so wrong! He refused to put on the cape (only did so after much coaxing), was all squeamish when we attempted to do some face painting on him and he was more interested in running around the mall than soaking in the halloween atmosphere. Oh well! Attempting to put the vampire cape on for J, who refused to have anything on him.  J taking instructions on what to do with his vampire medalion. Paint he must... and paint he did (with my help of c

Ectopic Pregnancy: What you should know

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The dust has kinda settled, and to those who knew what happened and/or read my post 2 weeks back and provided comfort in one way or another, I want to say "Thank You". It made me feel better being able to talk about it, despite doing it here and via the mobile. The wonders of modern technology. No need for face to face conversations in case the tears cannot stop flowing. While the physical pain has subsided, the memory remains. I don't think it will ever really go away. I was just chatting with a dear friend about what happened. She went through the same some years back. Today, there are still tears when it's being mentioned. At that time, I can only be the one who listened and comforted. Today, I totally feel her. Going back to work this week was pretty tough. Most people avoid asking about what happened. But there are some who will probe. And in a few interesting conversations, I had not one, but 2 people congratulating me on my recent pregnancy. All in good

My ectopic pregnancy story

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What started out as a bright cheery Sunday, with plans to bring the tot out for a swim turned out to be the longest day of my life, one which I nearly lost. I started having sharp abdominal pains at 12pm, which I thought was just severe gastric. So I popped in 2 panadols, and took a short nap with J. I got up before J did, felt better, and tried to take some food, which I later regretted because it all got regurgitated. J got up, wanted a cuddle which I obliged... causing the acute pain to come back. Not sure what was going on, I made Hwa send J to my mum's so he can take me to the doctors later. He returned to find me pale and unconscious on the toilet bowl. He dragged me out, and wanted me to get changed to visit the doctors. I couldn't, and requested to nap again, which he left me to it. After about 30 min, I tried to stand, only to find myself losing consciousness again. That was when Hwa called the ambulance for help. The paramedics told me I was extremely pale,

My biggest parenting barrier

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This post was started with the intention to talk about the one thing which I felt, for the longest time, to be what stood between me and a well behaved son. I am still very tempted to say what it is, and it can get rather controversial if I do. So, you decipher for yourself as I am sounding pretty obvious towards the end of this post. When it comes to bringing up my child in the "right" way, I have followed almost every possible book, took the advice of more experienced mummies, Google-d parenting tips etc. I may not follow everything I hear or read to the T, but I wanted consistency . So, I made the hubs (and most people around me for that matter) follow my rules and nothing else. I get cross when family members do the exact opposite, and worst,  blame my son for his actions, which can definitely be managed properly by an adult. Maybe just let me defend myself here. I am not one that insists my son cannot walk in the park barefooted, nor mess the house up or run arou

The hardest part of TTC

After the bravery  , comes the dealing with reality. This cycle of SO-IUI did not work in our favour. Stress with work, home and of course the little rascal did little to help settle the "beans". Saying it doesn't matter, and it was expected is just my way of getting out of a conversation with anyone who asks. Saying I can handle it on my own is my way of telling the hubs to please leave me alone and let me grieve on my own because he nvr seems to get it One may assume that having been through hiccups in the baby making department, this mini failure should not have caused any major negative emotions. Let me just say, every unsuccessful cycle means a lost opportunity and a fresh new cycle that comes with pain, blood and sweat. More so for me... it brings about crushed hopes which even the strongest of women need time to deal with. I had to sit through meetings, calls, press queries and pitch presentations looking like nothing happened, when all I want to do

Mom enough

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Dear Jonas The week was particularly tough. It's been a long time since you cried inconsolably, with all your might. Nothing we did was able to stop you. you had your own plans. You were determined to test the boundaries, and you knew you had to win. Great to know you inherited my tenacity, although you applying it at perhaps the wrong things. This went on day after day. In school and at home. At the peak of all the drama, I broke down as I did not know what else I could do to make you stop. I was made to look like a bad mother in front of your teachers, and I knew I didn't want to feel small to you. When you spotted my teary eyes, you stopped what you were doing, came and lay your head on my lap, like you knew I needed comfort. The only other reason why you ever lay your head on my lap is for me give you assurance of my presence. This time, it seemed like you are doing the same for me. You wanted to assure me that I am mom enough for you. That's all I needed

Learning to let go

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There were many instances in my 32 years that have got me wondering why life couldn't be smoother or fairer. Growing up was tough. We were not well off hence everything I wanted had to come with a price. When faced with adverse situations, I often am able to find my way out of it, of course not without some hard work. I guess that shaped me to be who I am today. A perfectionist in my own right. All that I put my heart to do, had to be executed to planned....best if it is flawlessly too. I sound like a nazi, and the truth is I am.. and still is (to a certain extent). Then came my quest to be a parent , and the hiccups encountered along the way made me realize that sometimes, it is best to leave things in the hands of God and let him lead the way. There is no perfection without faith. We got married in 2006. I was 26, he was 27. We spent a good deal of money on the wedding & the house so having kids was the last thing on our minds. Moreover, I often told myself that I sti

Smile and the world smiles with you

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Jan 2013 has not even ended, and I am feeling super super low. While I always try to be positive, today is one of those days I just want to drop the load that’s weighing on my shoulders out of the windows. One of those days where I just want to squat in the shower and cry out loud. Despite all things that gets me down, one thing that always never fails to make my day is this Cheeky Chubbs! …and then I remind myself whatever I am doing now is for him…and then I start to smile again.  Linking up with: 

Yay...to a Brand New Week!!

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After a lousy week of dealing with flu & migraine, as well as a flu-ey(& thus ultra fussy) baby, I am glad for a brand new week to work on what I have set out to do. Last week started with me having a bad sore throat that developed into flu. To top it up, my wisdom tooth gave me a week long migraine. It was really my body telling me that I needed to rest. It did not  help when Burger Boy had an allergy attack at the same time,  which came with cough, nasal congestion and rashes.  So dealing with these made me very exhuasted, and I took it out on the Hubz. I blamed him for not helping enough, for always leaving Burger Boy to me to care for. I even blamed him for making me fat with all those late night dinners he bought home.  Those mindless lashing at Hubz did not make me feel better especially when he tucked me into bed each night with a kiss. It make  me feel super lousy! And, whenever I see that cheeky smile on Burger Boy's face despite being unwell, made me guilty fo

In conversation with a new mom

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... and yes, that new mom is me. SInce I gave brith, people have been asking me lots of questions which we would normally ask any new mom. Questions from how was the labour, to how is baby doing ... to if I would have another one etc. So i thought why not answer them here, to let everyone in on how this motherhood thingy is treating me. Q: Do you miss being pregnant? A: Absolutely. If I have a choice, I would rather have Jonas in my tummy all the time. At least I can get to have him all to myself every minute and second of the day. I don't need to have people around wanting a piece of him. On a more serious note, while we were  financially & physically ready for a kid, and that it was definitely something we wanted, we realised we were not adequately prepared for what was to come. With baby here, it drains us mentally and emotionally as well.  But then, can we ever be fully prepared? I doubt so. I think we just have to learn along the way. So... at times when I feel Jonas

Things I miss being "un-pregnant"

Not feeling nauseated & not puking. I sometimes don't even dare to eat for fear of regurgitating. Eat what i want when i want to. With the neverending list of things i CANNOT eat coupled with the frequenting vomitting, food isn't something i enjoy very much now. Able to rebond, perm and colour my hair. I spot a lion's mane with grey hair multiplying .... yet there is nothing I can do. :( Able to stay awake and alert for most of the day. Now, i feel sleepy most of the day and many times would wish I could crawl under my desk and get some shut eye. Running. Great cure for fatigue. Can't do any of that now. Strudding around in my heels. A different pair everyday. Wearing the clothes i want to . Don't have many choices these days. Popping a panadol when i get headaches. .....that's all for now. Not a lot... but they are enough to make me feel dull all day.  

not quite rested

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Back after being away for a week to Taiwan, on what was a most awaited holiday, I cannot be sure i have rested and am ready for work. In fact, i found the trip exhausting, so much so, the 2 days that I've been back,  I found myself constantly wanting to sleep. No. it is not the having to travel all over taiwan that's making me tired. In fact, the traveling has made me fall in love with the country. Every part of taiwan have their own unique flavour, own unique foods and cuisine.  If I had the luxury of time, I would definitely want to spend a bit more time at each part of Taiwan especially Hualien, Chih Peng, Tai Chung and Kao Shiung. Interestingly, I have discovered something(s) about myself and the people around me....and it is probably all these thinking that sucked away some of my energy.  More importantly, I think it is the constant need to ensure both mothers are happy during the trip that made me even more weary. This is the fourth annual obligation trip we took with