Round up of February and March 2015

#monthlyreflections #ivf #growingup #5lovelangauges

I said I wanted to do a monthly round-up starting this year. Then I forgot.

Now that I remembered, I am thinking what I should start with.

With a quarter of the year gone, 2015 has proved to be a year of reflections and adjustments for the whole family due to certain decisions we made. With that, I am certain it is going to get tougher throughout the year. But we will pull through!

Love Language

J is starting to get used to sleeping on his own although he still calls for us at least once every night. While it seems like he is adapting well, his severe seperation anxiety in the mornings is a cause for concern. Maybe it is coincidental that his unwillingness to go to school started when we shifted him into his room. Being a childcare kid since a tender age of 3 months old, it was hard for us to understand where his insecurity was coming from.

This is when I attempted to figure out what his primary love language is.

It is definitely touch...the touchy feely kind, and that is the reason why this move to sleep alone is so hard for him. 

He was used to, during a good part of his 3 years, sleeping between two warm bodies where we are just at a stretch of his arm away. I noticed during this period, while putting him to sleep, he will hug me, pat me on my arm, and most nights stroke my face just to fall asleep. It was like he needed that extra physical contact, and that added reassurance of our presence.

So, for the couple of weeks that followed, we showered him with lots of hugs and kisses at the school entrance. Back home, it was cuddles while watching his favorite shows. Lots of hand holding literally, when we are having our meals, sometimes even allowing him on my lap at mealtimes.

I guess that worked wonders coupled with teachers in school involving him more with looking after the younger kids. He felt more "wanted" in that sense.

Now, he's a champ! He doesn't wait for me to shower him with hugs and kisses, but comes up to offer his sloppy kiss complete with an " I love you" before I leave the school for work. Glad I remembered the book " The 5 love languages of Children" that I got months ago which reminded me of the areas I could look into to fix our kid's behavioural change.

No best time to do anything

We realised we spend too much time planning for the perfect moment to do something. However, it usually doesn't work to our favour but cause us undue stress instead.

We said 2015 will be the time we embark on IVF. We planned for an IUI in Feb, and if it does not work, an IVF in May after we return from our Taiwan trip.

So we sat and waiting for the dreaded period of come. It didn't... and things got dragged on till March, and we had to go to the doctor's to force it come.

Then, something at work happened, which will inevitably change the dynamics. It took me 2 years to get used to the pace and working styles of everyone to then confidently want to try for a child again, only to find ourselves needed to once again make adjustments to our plans.

I must have gotten pretty stressed out and super grouchy over this, so much so I just went to tell my doctor, let's just do this IVF thing this cycle. I am clearly tired of all these endless planning, and trying to fit my life into what people expected me to.

This is however only the beginning of the agony. As I work in a small office where my support is often needed, I had to tell a few key people on my impending frequent absence from work. Instead of some kind acknowledgement or encouragement, which I got. There were others who asked me if I can time the egg retrieval on a certain date... whether I can ensure I do this after a period... and whether I can deliver all my work before I go off.

You know, I hope with my frequent sharing of the IVF process, people will realise that, while IVF is a very clinical process, we do not go into a factory to produce babies. Period. As much as it is a clinical process, there's a lot of emotions (whether voluntary or not) involved. More than you can imagine.

I cannot control when it happens, and I cannot time it on a precise date. So, seriously, quit asking me to.

There! I said it!

No! It really somehow seems like my life is revolved around this conceiving thing. But, can I qualify that it doesn't? It is sometimes frustrations that build up having no outlet to release it. Hence, I know this year will be more of such juggling and balancing of expectations.

February and March, in my opinion was a bummer. Hope there's more happy things to look forward to as we up the notch on this juggling act.