IVF Diaries - The IVF that did not happen

I wrote about what infertility taught me before. But, I missed out one thing, and that is always to be cautiously optimistic.

This cycle did not end up in an egg retrieval because it was in my doctor's words.. " a very strange cycle".

My right ovary, despite being the dominant one over the last couple of SO-IUIs, decided to go on strike. It didn't produce a single egg despite being on a very high dose of follicle stimulation hormones (FSH). The hardworking left ovary did most of tbe work.

So, our plans took a little turn.

Day 11. 8 follies. 2 ready. 6 needed work.

There were 2 options.

Lose the 2 big ones, go on more FSH to prep the other six for retrieval. However, for these 6 to be growing so slowly at the initial stages was a little cause for concern in terms of quality. They may not even make it to the transfer stage.

The other option would be to convert to IUI, and hopefully the two big ones will make it, eventually. Of course we could go for a retrieval for the 2 biggies. But, what if they don't make it to the transfer stage too? That will be at least $10,000 down the drain.

We picked the latter, although it is SO HARD to give up the other 6.

Our hopes went from a high, to a low. Not rock bottom just yet, but it feels horrible nonetheless. So, once again, we dared not hope at the same time, bursting with anticipation.

This is exactly what being "cautiously optimistic" mean.

Last week, someone who has ever had a child or tried having one, said this to me.
 " Don't always be so negative about your IVF. You need to be positive! Look forward to your new baby!"
Sounds like great advice? Well, not to a couple to have done this time and again and have hopes crushed to nothingness.

Really. I rather get silent support than to deal with comments like these.

While I go by the past 3 weeks looking like there wasn't anything major happening. I am really really dying inside.

It gets harder and harder each time. And now, we wait.

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