Is one enough? Why I still want to try.

There's been a lot of good news coming from other mummies of late. Happy that there's going to be more kiddies as I feel that children are a blessing.

However, it is inevitable at times like this to think about my own little family. To expand or not? To continue trying or not?

I am not bitter (ok ok... yes... I confess, I do feel upset at times, enough to make me depressed) .  More like disappointed really. The heart is getting weak and knows not how much longer it can last before it gives up hope.

When well-meaning people tell you it should get easier when you have had your first. Take it with a pinch of salt I say. There's always gonna be exceptions. 

After the ectopic incident, it seemed like the so-iui treatments don't work (well) anymore. We know that we need to think about what's next and IVF  seems like the an unavoidable option. So the next question is whether or not we can be contented with just one. 

I always knew I wanted at least 2 in the brood. It used to be because 2 is a good number, and I never really thought about why. But after J came along, it became clearer why two or more would be nice.

Warning: Some of the reasons I am quoting here can be frivolous. So if you cannot deal with frivolity, I suggest you don't continue reading. If you do read on... please don't judge hor! :)

Reasons why I want more (than one):

To right the wrongs with the first born
As a first time mom, I held onto many ideals on how I wanted to care for J. Many of these were abandoned  either because I did not persevere or I did not get enough support and cooperation from people around me. Breastfeeding is one. TV watching is another and a couple of other pet peeves. Having another child is like giving me a second chance at being the mummy I wanted to be. I just need to have another go at doing it MY way.

To experience the pinks and the purples
I want to buy all those lovely dresses I see online. Polka dots, pinks, purples, bows, laces, leggings, flowers etc etc.... It is quite unbearable when it is a see no touch buy type of situation. Yes yes... if God's willing and I do have another child, I may end up with another boy. But, let's deal with that later. This is enough for me to get motivated to work towards number 2. 

To teach life's little lessons
With 3 stroller, 4 carriers, containers of toys that J probably played for less than a week each, plus all the other spoils we got for him, we really need them to be put to better use. This is also the perfect setting for J to learn how to share, to be considerate and really... to be a big boy. Maybe then, he will give up his binky for good by "donating" it to his younger sibling? 

Kids are truly a joy
Of course kids can be a terror too. But if we ask ourselves how often and how hard have we laughed at our kids' antics. How many times have our heart melted just because they planted that kiss, or said the sweetest "love you" each night. They are a joy, and they make me a happier and better person. So why stop at one? 

To have a hand to hold, and a shoulder to cry on
... when the man and I pass on. It does sound a little morbid talking about death. But, the threat is real which I don"t think we should ever take lightly. Growing up with my brother wasn't the best experience. We made life difficult for each other. However,  as we grew older, the bond got stronger. Today, I look to my brother if I need advice.  We share some deep deep secrets, and I miss him loads when he is away for work. I don't want to deprive J of a sibling if it is within my means. And what's plotting against your parents without a partner in crime. J would love that! 

In all seriousness, this last point is the one reason that keeps me trying all these time. I continue praying and continue hoping that the perfect time would come.  Even if it never comes, I have been blessed with J, and he remains a very special part of me. J made me a mother and nothing is going to change that. 

What made you want to have more than one child? Share away!