A gentle note to self
I have been having a depressive mummy week. It all started with Jonas (J) being ultra fussy at the beginning , and a heated argument with the man at midweek. It all felt too much for me that I wished someone will just take my son away. Felt rather useless and somehow was convinced that I am never going to make this new life work. Funny thing was, a friend of mine who had her son just 3 weeks after I had J, had the exact same sentiments of how hard it is to be a mum. We devilishly devised a plan to set our sons up for adoption with a "buy-one-get-one free" offer. I offered to do the ad copy, while she worked on the ad design. Ah well... injecting some humour while trying to make myself feel better.
Who on earth ever said being a mum is easy! This must have been the most exhuasting time of my life. And a time where I can't seem to find the usual confident me. Being a wife is already tough... what more a mum... kill me please!
J turns 2 months old today. As I lie by his side, looking at how hard he is trying to settle himself for a nap without any cuddles, overwhelmed me with guilt on my earlier thoughts of hoping he will just disappear. Posting this here acts as a reminder that things will get better. Although I don't know when, I have to keep telling myself to push on.
P.S. I wasn't serious about sending my son away. I love him no matter what..:)