In conversation with a new mom
... and yes, that new mom is me.
SInce I gave brith, people have been asking me lots of questions which we would normally ask any new mom. Questions from how was the labour, to how is baby doing ... to if I would have another one etc. So i thought why not answer them here, to let everyone in on how this motherhood thingy is treating me.
Q: Do you miss being pregnant?
A: Absolutely. If I have a choice, I would rather have Jonas in my tummy all the time. At least I can get to have him all to myself every minute and second of the day. I don't need to have people around wanting a piece of him.
On a more serious note, while we were financially & physically ready for a kid, and that it was definitely something we wanted, we realised we were not adequately prepared for what was to come. With baby here, it drains us mentally and emotionally as well. But then, can we ever be fully prepared? I doubt so. I think we just have to learn along the way. So... at times when I feel Jonas is a handful, I wish he would find his way back into my tum tum, and one of my girlfriends would concurr.... we are super jealous of all the preggies out there!
"Is this how I get back into Mummy's tum tum?"
Q: Does this mean you regret having Jonas?
A: Of course not! We planned this from the start. Like I mentioned, we were ready... but not fully prepared. Those who follow my blog will know Jonas did not come easy and we will not trade him for anything else in our lives.
Q: Would you do anything differently to make things easier?
A: One thing I failed to do while I was pregnant was to set expectations with my family members on how I am going to care for Jonas. I have a very good idea on how to do that, and more importantly how I want to bring up my son. However, I assumed that everyone else would agree and go along with me. I was wrong. Everyone at home espcially the "mothers" have something to say about everything. In the initial days.... I will just nod and agree. But as the weeks passed... I have the urge to deliver a flying punch to anyone who wants to interfere with my parenting approach with practices that has no logic at all. Yes.. I am a Nazi mum. It is always easy with my own mum who allows me to tell her what to do, but not the other as I have to always look and sound like I agree when I seriously don't. At this point, I don't know when I will reach breaking point. Nowadays... i just snap.
Well, maybe setting expectations at the onset may not help either, but at least I know I have made my point clear, and that gives me every right to tell them off.
Q: So, what has changed in your life ?
~ I am sleep deprived ~ I am paranoid with everything little thing that happens to Jonas ~ I look like an old hag ~ I feel fat and ugly ~ I find going out a chore... and all these contribute to me being grouchy and whiny! Gosh! I feel like a baby sometimes! And let me tell you... it's all a vicious cycle. I am not sure if I like the current me... so I am looking forward to regaining my sanity when I get back to work.
On a positive note, I think I have learnt to be a little more patient, a little more sensitive and maybe a little less hot-tempered. I do hope that as I grow as a mother, I will find myself developing more positive qualities.
Q: When will no. 2 be coming along?
A: Ask me a year later.
At this point, if I have to answer this question... I am going to say NEVER! However, I am quite sure I will regret saying this sometime down the road. We need to get systems in place first before thinking of baby-making again especially when we are still feeling our way through with the many other changes going on in our lives. We need to settle our careers and more importanly living arrangements. So... yeah... ask me again next year, and I will be more than happy to answer you! :)