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A gentle note to self

I have been having a depressive mummy week. It all started with Jonas (J) being ultra fussy at the beginning , and a heated argument with the man at midweek. It all felt too much for me that I wished someone will just take my son away. Felt rather useless and somehow was convinced that I am never going to make this new life work. Funny thing was, a friend of mine who had her son just 3 weeks after I had J, had the exact same sentiments of how hard it is to be a mum. We devilishly devised a plan to set our sons up for adoption with a "buy-one-get-one free" offer. I offered to do the ad copy, while she worked on the ad design. Ah well... injecting some humour while trying to make myself feel better.

Who on earth ever said being a mum is easy! This must have been the most exhuasting time of my life. And a time where I can't seem to find the usual confident me.  Being a wife is already tough... what more a mum... kill me please!

J turns 2 months old today. As I lie by his side, looking at how hard he is trying to settle himself for a nap without any cuddles, overwhelmed me with guilt on my earlier thoughts of hoping he will just disappear. Posting this here acts as a reminder that things will get better. Although I don't know when, I have to keep telling myself to push on.

P.S. I wasn't serious about sending my son away. I love him no matter what..:)

Comments

  1. Anonymous10:45 am

    Hellow New Mommy,

    Hang it there! I was like you. Prepared everything for my son except for the lacking of sleep! I was totally not prepared for the lacking of sleep. How come nobody tells me??!! As a usual I got headaches, bodyaches and the utimate was I am diabetics after giving birth. I love my son but I don't enjoy him during his two years. Looking back, I realise the problem was I am a perfectionist. I wanted to do things my way and feel that others don't understand or don't know any better than his mommy. As a result i was too exhausted to enjoy my son. Looking back if I were to delegate my job to others or leaves him crying a while longer while i enjoy my coffee or lunch no harm will be done. Maybe better for him and me cause I be happier and not so tense around him. He will be happier too with a happy mommy. As for the sleep, bear with it a bit. By the 3rd month, he will have longer sleep at night. You find that you can sleep 3 to 4 hrs uninterupted then. If you are lucky, he will drops one night feed by then. Jia You. Gosh I miss those days...

    ReplyDelete

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