How time flies. It's been a month since Jonas came into our lives. It wasn't an easy one month, and there will definitely be more to come.
To be absolutely honest, I am sorely missing the pre-Jonas days as having a little one really changes everything... and i mean EVERYTHING!!! Not only the amount and quality of sleep we get, to how we go about handling chores at home... and also the relationships we have with the grandparents.
All of a sudden, writing strategy papers, working till late in the night, handling difficult agencies and stakeholders seem all too simple.
First few days was a bliss. It was parenthood the way I have always envisaged it to be... simple to handle baby, abundant breastmilk, loving husband and supportive grandparents. What I didn't foresee was all these soon changed, and gradually took a toll on me.
I insisted to do a lot of things myself, from exclusively looking after Jonas at night, to wanting to do my own and Jonas' laundry and making sure our room and house is clean and sterile. So juggling all these, plus wanting to have my way in the way Jonas is being cared for by his grandmothers put a great deal of stress on me. To make things worse, Hwa had a new project which saw him home at only 11 pm everyday for the past two weeks... meaning my only pillar was not there when I needed him the most.
Jonas is also not the most easy baby around... hence one thing piled onto the other, plus having the grannies over-fussing & over-doting on their first grandson broke me down, because all I want is for everyone to leave me and my son alone!!!!!
While most people would not admit they had bouts of depression... i think it is common, and in fact perfectly normal. Blame it on the hormones if need be.
I think the most important lesson I have learnt in the past 4 weeks is to let go. I have not completely mastered it, but it is helping me cope with motherhood a little better. We all got to start somewhere. What kept me going was also something that a friend & mentor said to me:
So nowadays, I keep sane by reminding myself it is a new day everyday... and things will get better! I hope in the near future, i will be able to share in some way how I keep my sanity as I go down the long and winding road of being a mother, on top of everything else.