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Showing posts from June, 2010

Guilt

There is this thing that I have so badly wanted for a long time.

Now, I see light at the end of the tunnel, with a pretty considerable chance of getting what I want ( or so I think).

But... I get pangs of guilt hitting me just the thought of this possibility.

Perhaps I never really wanted it in the first place. Perhaps certain things are best kept as an unattainable want. Perhaps it is a way for me to learn to appreciate the beauty of what I already have ( which sometimes is not as apparent).


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why me?

I cannot help but ask myself that question in recent times. I wonder if I have done anything so wrong that I’m being punished to go through bouts of uncertainty in the pro-creation area. After mustering up that little bit more courage, agreeing to go through the surgery, we  find ourselves back at ground zero. Pipes are still clogged and any attempt to unclog it will in fact make it worse. My mind froze momentarily. I seriously did not know how to react to this new insight into the state of my system. Why me? Maybe it is God’s way of telling me that time is still not yet right. He led me to go for the surgery so that i can take time necessary for me to take a break to complete the journey. It’s probably time to slow down… and get closer to Him.