courage for the new year

Yes, courage is what i ask for in 2010. 2009 flew right past me… and looking back now, I hardly had the time to stop and reflect on the year’s happenings.

In many ways, 2009 marked the start of many things in my life… like UrbanNook…..increased (& still growing) responsibility  @ work….. sudden realisation that I am turning 30 this year & yet have so much I have yet to experience…… most importantly, it’s a start of a long journey to get my first-born. And, this last bit is what i need the  most courage for.

Writing this in itself takes a bit of courage.

I found out months ago that I need help in getting pregnant. Although i always suspected i would have problems… i brushed it aside. I guess what i needed was just for someone professional to tell me so. But, truth always hurts yah? It does, and that’s why I kept it from everyone. In actual fact… i am dying to talk to people… dying to seek solace in people who understand the journey I am on… as the disappointment  kills me every month. Being on the pills is bad enough, giving side effects of pimples and all…. yet all these while, I don’t know how to explain or tell anyone about it when they ask.

It’s not going to be an easy route ahead, as the next step is to check if my tubes are blocked. I hate to know wha’s the outcome, as either way…. i know there will be almost daily visits to the gynae… and frequent injections that’s going to burn a hole in out pockets.

Hence, all I want for the new year is courage to oust the fear.

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