Responsibilities of a modern woman

Someone commented on how she sometimes admires me on how I shoulder my various responsibilities. Well... I am flattered, and obviously take it as a compliment. But, really… there is an internal struggle every single day to want to do things that I really love.

I adore my family. This makes me try to get myself involved in their activities, to support them in whatever way possible, as long as it is within my means. This, Hwa always says I give too much and take too little… esp. when it is obvious mum loves bro so much more. Guess, it does not matter to me as much, though it hurts once in a while, as long as they are happy. I believe God sees it…and that’s adequate.

I dun know when it started…. I am by nature quite a self centred person. But when my family is in need… I will avail myself whatever it takes. Well…. This sounds like self-praise… trust me it is not. Given a choice, I truly want to do so many more things.

Then there is my OTHER family…. My live-in family. Living with someone who is very different from you is tough. So, tolerating and keeping up appearances is extremely important. And being the one who has married into the family means it becomes a responsibility to be less temperamental, and more tolerant. I believe the feeling is mutual. Many times, I just want to be left alone… So when I simply not talk… is not because I am angry… but I just want to be left alone, which I think is sometimes misunderstood. So at times like this. I do wish I can throw the so-called responsibilities away and just be ME.

Needless to say… there’s work. The responsibilities at work… which I can starting to really detest. I am learning on the job… but when there is no adequate support…I just feel like giving it all up… and start all over again.

Oh well…. This responsibility grouses will just get more and more as I progress tru life… esp so when I am a mother. Then… I will be further and further away from the life I really want.

Then again…. Life really ain’t that bad yah?
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